Jabberwocky

I'm not sure how to title a post that will catch you up on my MS. I was thinking about the injections (the jabs), and well...there you have it? I'd like to blame my lack of creativity on these lesions, but that probably is too convenient.

We're already on Month 3.75 of the drug therapy, and I can't really believe it. I now have a new nightly routine: at 10:15, I come back from the gym, shower, prep the kit, stab myself in one extremity or the other, and then hang out on the couch icing for 15 minutes. Soon, I'll be coming back to the campsite and trying this whole thing without the ice pack. Maybe a cold fish will do?

Yes, we're going camping and fishing in October and to hell with the diagnosis. I am doing a lot of things that I meant to do before now, like getting back into dressage and taking more weekends to do nothing at all. Of course, I'm also quietly changing a lot of my life. Goodbye, pasta and bread. So long, milk and ice cream. It's been nice to know you.

No one knows if there's a connection between MS and diet, but what we do seem to know is that certain foods have a tendency to increase inflammation in the body. Inflammation is now a bad word, right up there with the "c*cks*ckerm*therf*ckers" I mutter after a particularly unpleasant jab. I'll go in for real food sensitivity and allergy panels soon, although those aren't exactly conclusive themselves. In the interim, I'm cutting way, way back on gluten and dairy. Like, down to 10% of what I used to consume, and hopefully less than that. Yesterday, I realized I was eating an egg salad sandwich hastily purchased at work. I removed both slices of bread and started picking at the salad...which of course has dairy. And is made from eggs. Not going so well yet, this effort.

I'm also working out daily, getting enough sleep, and having conniption fits over every phantom symptom and unusual anything that I feel. There are bigger discussions pending -- yes, you can have kids with MS, but when I know that the one thing I don't handle well is lack of sleep, is it really worth what might happen to me?

The crappiest part is the not knowing. I might be fine; I might develop something really, really unpleasant. Most days, I don't fret about the worst case; there are days, however, when I read a particularly dire MS story and wonder if I can ever be strong enough to handle what might happen. I think that's my biggest fear: losing my physical self, would I also lose much more?

It doesn't merit thinking about, but it is so damn difficult to turn off your mind in the still nighttime. 

That's where I am. How 'bout you?

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