Falderol

I think it might be time

It's been about three years since I've blogged regularly. So let's make it clear: this isn't a blog I'm going to share with friends or family. If they find it, I'll be pleased; if they don't, I'll be equally content. If I start writing regularly at all, it's because I'm struggling with something that so many women do these days: how to balance ambition and the need to fulfill one's own expectations with the very real demands of one's body and mind.

I wound up at the ER last night with a sudden onset headache; after five hours, one CT and a spinal tap, they're still not sure what's up. It's most likely a migraine. There's no proof it's linked to stress, just like there was no proof that my thyroid disorder was triggered by it, or my anxiety disorder -- but c'mon. I'm not completely daft over here, though I might act like it most of the time. 

So maybe this is my attempt to be more realistic with myself. I guess we'll see.

Coffee and tv

I'm back in England with blur running through my head and a serious hankering for sticky toffee pudding. There are lists of Days of Grace in my journal, but I have sporradic internet access now and so will save posting them for my return next week.

CB officially finished his doctorate yesterday. These three years have seen so many ups and downs that I can't quite believe they've finished. I feel like we need something earth-shaking to mark the culmination, something that forces everyone around us to take notice; however, I'll settle for a few pints and a really tasty fish and chips.

The trip back has been good, really good. I'm much more at peace with England than I was last time I left; I can look back now and let the good outweigh the bad, see that the choices we made were real and true and best, even when they didn't feel it. Oxford's been sunny and crisp as frost on windowpanes. The streets teem with students and I finally feel at home among them. I couldn't have imagined myself saying this before, but I'm grateful for the opportunity to return again.